Monday, October 10, 2011

Erica Jong is not the feminist I thought she was.

Erica Jong is not the feminist I thought she was. The author of Fear of Flying wrote this (rather misogenistic) article, published in the New York Times this summer. And to be honest with you, I don't see her as much of a feminist at all. Jong discusses how women of the current child-bearing generation (that is 20s to 30s) aren't sexual creatures; that these women have (supposedly) given up sexuality for motherhood.

She makes ludicrous claims about how women of generations X and Y: that because her (author Jong's) generation of women were sexually liberated that we (the daughters of this generation) crave the opposite of sexual freedom: monogomy and motherhood. "Daughters always want to be different from their mothers. If their mothers discovered free sex, then they want to rediscover monogamy. My daughter, Molly Jong-Fast, who is in her mid-30s, wrote an essay called “They Had Sex So I Didn’t Have To.”" Oh Erica Jong, just because your daughter is a prude doesn't mean the rest of us are!

It seems like Erica Jong is ignoring all of the sex-positive feminism and consent-positive sex movements. Apparently she pays no attention to women in their 20's who have been working extremely hard to empower women to be sexy and feel sexy AND safe. The patriarchy-influence and rape-culture that exists in many circles of men of similar ages is repulsive and women have been doing so much lately to counteract this. Why doesn't Erica Jong acknowledge Slutwalk's and the "consent is sexy" craze? Maybe she prefers a woman who is sexual but submissive to male culture?

Speaking of which, here's another quote from her article: "Better to give up men and sleep with one’s children. Better to wear one’s baby in a man-distancing sling and breast-feed at all hours so your mate knows your breasts don’t belong to him. Our current orgy of multiple maternity does indeed leave little room for sexuality. With children in your bed, is there any space for sexual passion?"

EXCUSE ME ERICA JONG?! Lets deal with all these outrageous statements one by one:
1.  "Better to give up men and sleep with one’s children" - Erica Jong is just another ill-informed skeptic. There are a lot of things wrong with this statement- for one co-sleeping does not mean you don't have sex! You can have sex AND co-sleep, at the same time with your young child asleep next to you, or elsewhere (afterall, how BORING would life be if sex only happened in bed). I intend to co-sleep with my future children, especially during their youngest year, but perhaps after that as well. So let me reiterate - co-sleeping has nothing to do with sex! It has to do with attachment parenting. Erica Jong sounds like one of those women who was so "liberated" (in none of the right ways, it would seem to me) that she didn't consider co-sleeping or breastfeeding. No wonder she is so uncomfortable with the idea that her daughter wants to be a mother; it sounds like she may have been a poor one.
2. " Better to wear one’s baby in a man-distancing sling and breast-feed at all hours so your mate knows your breasts don’t belong to him." - Ughhhh, this makes me enraged. First and foremost, MY breasts do not belong to my child and my breasts definitely  do not belong to my partner, they belong to ME. MY BREASTS, not yours. Jong clearly read the abridged version of feminism 101 if she let that one slide. Breastfeeding is the healthiest and most economical way to feed an infant, not to mention it is a biological process that wouldn't exist if infants were supposed to eat anything else. Fact. I will rant and rave about my feelings about breastfeeding some other time, because I want to draw attention to another ludicrous statement she made about "man-distracting sling[s]." To me this is just more evidence that Jong was probably a terrible mother. Babywearing is another good method of attachment parenting, plus it is well known that carried children cry less and are more well adapted (for example they tend to fare much better when actually separated from their parents, like at school). And I don't know what Erica Jong thinks is so "man-distracting"... maybe she is just jealous because I can look sexy with a baby in a sling, and she can't? (I've included a couple pictures of myself showing off some of (my workplace) Cradle's selections of baby carriers). Mothers aren't the only gender that have parenting urges, men do as well, and I'm sure there are tons of good men who see their partner and child together and appreciate how beautiful they are. My partner has never complained, and we plan to start a family together as soon as we are financially ready and emotionally prepared (hopefully in a few years?).

3. "Our current orgy of multiple maternity does indeed leave little room for sexuality. With children in your bed, is there any space for sexual passion?" - There is plenty of room for sexual passion, and there still will be when I have children. I don't ever intend to raise children instead of being a sexual person. I intend to be both a mother and a sexual creature - afterall, have you forgotten how most children are made? (I say most because as I am queer, my FTM partner and I will have to outsource to get all the necessary elements of creating a child- sperm that is).

Erica Jong has severely disappointed and offended me. I am a woman, I am young, I am sexual, I am in a relationship (but that does not mean that we only have sex with each other), I want to be a mother. I can be all these things- it seems extremely contrary to feminist principles that Jong things that women can't be sexual and maternal! Pfft, fuck that Erica Jong. I am both of those things: get off your high horse and call me when you have some perspective.

Oh and here are more pictures of sexy women AND men, carrying their children:


Put that in your pipe and smoke it Erica Jong.

Over and out.

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